What To Expect In Therapy
Can a Couples Therapist See Partners Separately?
Written by Delphine Osei, M.A. Psychology
Medically reviewed by Dr. Emilio Draganov, LMFT · LPC · July 2025
· Last reviewed July 2025 · 7 references · 5 min read
Yes — many couples therapists schedule individual sessions with each partner, particularly early in treatment, to gather personal history, understand each person's private perspective, and assess for safety concerns that may not emerge in joint sessions. How confidentiality is handled in these individual sessions varies by therapist and should be clarified before you begin.
At a glance — key takeaways
- Many couples therapists schedule 1–2 individual sessions per partner during assessment.
- Individual sessions allow each person to share things they may not feel safe saying jointly.
- Confidentiality policies for individual sessions vary — always ask your therapist to explain theirs.
- Some therapists use a "no secrets" policy; others keep individual sessions fully confidential.
- Individual sessions are usually brief and return to joint work quickly — they are not ongoing individual therapy.
• Why Would a Couples Therapist See Partners Individually?
• When Individual Sessions Typically Happen
• What Is Discussed in Individual Sessions?
• How Confidentiality Works in Individual Sessions
• The No-Secrets Policy Explained
• When Individual Sessions Become Ongoing
• Frequently Asked Questions
• References
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Why Would a Couples Therapist See Partners Individually?
Couples therapy primarily involves both partners together. Individual sessions serve specific clinical purposes:
- Assessment: Each partner may share history, concerns, and context more freely one-on-one than in front of their partner.
- Safety screening: Therapists assess for domestic violence, coercion, or serious power imbalance — disclosures that may not be safe to make in joint session.
- Undisclosed information: If one partner is having an affair, struggling with addiction, or holding significant secrets, a private conversation allows the therapist to understand the full picture before proceeding.
- Commitment assessment: A direct question — "On a scale of 1–10, how committed are you to this relationship?" — often gets a more honest answer in private.
- Personal history: Early attachment wounds, family-of-origin patterns, and individual trauma are often more accessible in individual conversation.
When Do Individual Sessions Typically Happen?
Individual sessions most commonly occur in the assessment phase — typically sessions two through four — before the main treatment work begins. This is when the therapist most needs a complete clinical picture.
Individual sessions may also occur later in treatment if a significant individual issue emerges (a relapse, a new disclosure, a mental health crisis) that needs to be addressed separately before returning to joint work, or if the couple is at an impasse and the therapist wants to understand each person's private position more clearly.
What Is Discussed in Individual Sessions?
| Topic | Why It Is Raised Individually |
|---|---|
| Personal relationship history and family of origin | Shapes attachment patterns; easier to discuss privately |
| Prior therapy or mental health treatment | Individual context the therapist needs but partner may not know |
| Commitment level to the relationship | Honest answer more likely without partner present |
| Undisclosed affairs or significant secrets | Therapist needs to know; partner cannot yet know |
| Safety concerns — fear of partner's reactions | Cannot be safely disclosed in joint session |
| Individual mental health concerns | Depression, anxiety, trauma — as they relate to the relationship |
How Does Confidentiality Work in Individual Sessions?
This varies by therapist and must be clarified before individual sessions begin. There are two main models:
The No-Secrets Policy
Some therapists operate under a "no secrets" policy: anything disclosed individually may be brought into joint work at the therapist's clinical discretion. The rationale is that secrets in a couples therapy context undermine the treatment. If one partner is holding information the other does not know, the joint work is compromised.
Under this model, if you disclose an ongoing affair in an individual session, the therapist may decline to continue joint work until the affair is disclosed or ended — because therapy cannot proceed honestly otherwise.
Full Confidentiality for Individual Sessions
Other therapists keep individual sessions fully confidential, with the standard legal exceptions (imminent risk of harm, child or elder abuse). They use information from individual sessions to inform their clinical understanding but do not bring it directly into joint work without the disclosing partner's consent.
Each model has clinical arguments in its favor. The important thing is that you know which model your therapist uses before sharing something sensitive in an individual session.
When Does Individual Work With a Couples Therapist Become Ongoing?
A couples therapist may recommend that one or both partners begin ongoing individual therapy — with a different therapist — when individual issues are complex enough to need their own dedicated treatment. This might include significant trauma, a major mental health condition, grief, or addiction.
The AAMFT cautions against a couples therapist also serving as the ongoing individual therapist for one partner, as this creates a dual-relationship dynamic that can compromise the therapist's neutrality in joint sessions. If significant individual work is needed, a referral to a separate individual therapist is the cleaner clinical arrangement.
Frequently asked questions
Should I tell my partner what we discussed in my individual session?
That is your choice, within your therapist's confidentiality framework. Many couples find it reassuring to debrief briefly after individual sessions without sharing every detail. Transparency generally supports the trust the couples therapy is working to build.
What if I want to share something with the therapist that I don't want my partner to know?
Ask the therapist about their confidentiality policy before sharing. Under a no-secrets policy, you will need to make a decision knowing the therapist may bring it forward. Under full individual confidentiality, you can share more freely. Never assume a policy — ask.
Can I request an individual session if I need one mid-therapy?
Yes. If something significant comes up — a relapse, a new disclosure, a personal crisis — it is appropriate to ask your therapist for an individual session. Most will accommodate or refer you to an appropriate resource.
What if my partner had an individual session and I want to know what was said?
If the therapist uses individual confidentiality, you may not know the content of your partner's session unless they choose to share it. This can be uncomfortable but is a legitimate clinical choice.
Can individual sessions replace joint sessions entirely?
Generally no — the joint sessions are where the core relational work happens. If individual therapy has become the primary need, you and your therapist should revisit the treatment plan.
Is it a conflict of interest for my couples therapist to also do my individual therapy?
Yes, typically. Treating one partner individually while also serving as the couples therapist creates a dual relationship that can compromise the therapist's neutrality and the integrity of the couples work.
What if my therapist reveals something from my individual session in joint session without my consent?
If this was not consistent with the confidentiality policy explained at the start of treatment, it is a serious ethical issue. You can raise it directly with the therapist or file a complaint with the relevant state licensing board.
References
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (2015). AAMFT Code of Ethics. aamft.org.
- Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy. W. W. Norton.
- Sperry, L., & Sperry, J. (2020). Case Conceptualization: Mastering This Competency With Ease and Confidence. Routledge.
- American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct. apa.org.
- URL: /couples-therapy/signs-therapy-is-working/ | Target: 1,400 | Reviewer: LMFT
- Title: How to Know Whether Couples Therapy Is Working
- Meta: Unsure if couples therapy is making a difference? Learn the real signs of progress by phase, when to reassess, and when to consider changing therapists.
DISCLAIMER: This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult a qualified health professional before making decisions about your health or treatment. If this is a medical emergency, call 911. For mental health crises, call or text 988.