What To Expect In Therapy
What to Expect From Your First Couples Therapy Session
Written by Odile Brennan, B.Sc. Psychology
Medically reviewed by Dr. Rafferty Oduya, LPC · LPC · July 2025
· Last reviewed July 2025 · 7 references · 7 min read
Your first couples therapy session is primarily an intake and assessment — the therapist will ask about your relationship history, the concerns each of you brings, and your goals for therapy. You will not be asked to resolve anything in the first session. The goal is for the therapist to understand your relationship well enough to begin forming a treatment approach.
At a glance — key takeaways
- The first session is an assessment — expect questions, not solutions.
- Both partners will have a chance to speak; the therapist ensures equal airtime.
- You may be asked to complete intake forms before or at the start of the session.
- It is normal to feel nervous, raw, or emotionally drained after a first session.
- Give it 2–3 sessions before evaluating whether this therapist is the right fit.
• What Happens Before the First Session
• How the First Session Begins
• Questions the Therapist Will Ask
• What Each Partner Can Expect to Experience
• What the Therapist Is Assessing
• How to Know if This Therapist Is Right for You
• Frequently Asked Questions
• References
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What Happens Before the First Session?
Most therapists send intake paperwork before your appointment — typically a consent form, a brief relationship history questionnaire, and a confidentiality policy. Complete these in advance. Arriving having already read the paperwork lets you spend the session on substance rather than logistics.
If you have not had a phone consultation with the therapist, the start of the first session may include a brief introduction to their approach and background. This is a good time to ask any questions about the process.
How Does the First Session Begin?
After introductions and logistics, the therapist typically opens with a broad question: "What brings you in today?" or "What are you both hoping to get out of being here?" This is intentionally open-ended — the therapist wants to hear how each of you characterizes the situation and what you prioritize.
You do not need a polished answer. Whatever is most alive for you right now is the right answer. The therapist is not grading your presentation — they are gathering information and beginning to understand each partner's perspective.
What Questions Will the Therapist Ask?
| Topic | Example Questions |
|---|---|
| Relationship history | "How long have you been together? How did you meet? What first attracted you to each other?" |
| Current concerns | "What brings you in now — why today rather than six months ago?" |
| Previous attempts | "Have you tried therapy before? What worked and what didn't?" |
| Goals | "What would need to be different for each of you to feel therapy was successful?" |
| Individual context | "Is there anything going on individually — work, health, family — affecting the relationship?" |
| Safety | "Are you both safe in this relationship? Is there anything I should know before we continue?" |
The safety question — often asked individually — is standard clinical practice, not an accusation. The therapist needs to know whether any domestic violence, coercion, or serious power imbalance is present before proceeding.
What Will Each Partner Experience?
The Partner Who Initiated Therapy
You may feel relief mixed with anxiety about what your partner might say, or whether the therapist will take sides. A skilled therapist will not. You may also find that articulating your concerns out loud in your partner's presence feels more exposing than you expected.
The Reluctant or More Skeptical Partner
If you attended partly to satisfy your partner, that is completely normal — and you do not need to hide it. Many therapists will gently acknowledge this dynamic early and work to help the more skeptical partner find their own reasons to engage. Give it a genuine effort for at least 2–3 sessions.
What Is the Therapist Assessing?
While you answer their questions, the therapist is simultaneously observing:
- How each partner characterizes the problem — does each take some ownership, or is the other seen as solely responsible?
- Communication patterns in real time — who speaks first, who defers, who interrupts, who shuts down.
- Level of positive sentiment — do they still speak about each other with any warmth or respect?
- Potential safety concerns — any indication of abuse, control, or fear.
- Individual factors needing separate attention — visible anxiety, depression, or substance use.
- Each partner's attachment style and how they respond under mild stress.
How Do You Know if This Therapist Is Right for You?
One session is rarely enough to judge therapeutic fit — both partners are nervous, the therapist is in assessment mode, and no real work has begun. Give it at least 2–3 sessions.
Signs the therapist may be a good fit: both partners feel roughly equally heard; questions feel perceptive rather than generic; the therapist explains their approach clearly; and there is a basic sense of safety and non-judgment in the room.
Signs of poor fit: one partner feels consistently dismissed; the therapist expresses opinions about who is right; inability to explain their approach or training; either partner consistently feels worse after leaving than before arriving.
Frequently asked questions
Should we tell the therapist everything in the first session?
You do not need to share everything immediately. The therapist will guide the pace. What matters most in session one is honesty about your main concerns and goals. Deeper or more sensitive material can be introduced as trust builds.
What if we argue during the first session?
It happens — and is not a disaster. A skilled therapist will manage conflict and use it as information. You are not expected to be on your best behavior; you are expected to be honest.
Is it okay to feel worse after the first session?
Yes — very common. The first session surfaces things that have been unspoken, and that exposure can feel raw. Give it at least another 1–2 sessions before evaluating. Consistent worsening over multiple sessions without improvement is the relevant concern.
Will the therapist give us advice at the end of the first session?
Possibly, but do not expect specific solutions. Many therapists close the first session with initial observations. Concrete skills and exercises typically come in subsequent sessions once assessment is underway.
What if my partner and I have very different versions of events?
This is extremely common and clinically valuable. A good therapist will not adjudicate who is right. They will help each of you understand how the same event can be experienced very differently — and what that gap reveals about each person's needs.
Can we bring up a specific incident from the past week?
Yes. Concrete recent examples are often more productive than abstract generalizations — they give the therapist real material to work with rather than characterizations.
What should we do after the first session?
Give yourselves decompression time. Avoid a major conversation about the session immediately afterward — both of you may still be processing. Check in briefly, then hold the substantive debrief until you are both settled.
References
- Lebow, J. L. (2014). Research for the Psychotherapist: From Science to Practice. Routledge.
- Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy. W. W. Norton.
- American Psychological Association. (2024). What to Expect From Psychotherapy. apa.org.
- Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice. Guilford Press.
- URL: /couples-therapy/questions-therapists-ask/ | Target: 1,400 | Reviewer: LMFT
- Title: Questions a Couples Therapist May Ask You
- Meta: Know what to expect: the key questions couples therapists ask in early sessions, what they reveal, and how to answer most honestly.
DISCLAIMER: This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult a qualified health professional before making decisions about your health or treatment. If this is a medical emergency, call 911. For mental health crises, call or text 988.